How To Lose Advertisers

3 05 2010

Shorter Glen Beck: Dear Vermont Teddt Bear Co., go fuck yourself and the holiday you rode in on. Now can I have that monthly ad buy check?

“Our sponsor this half hour is the Vermont Teddy Bear Co. Vermont Teddy Bear is getting ready for Mother’s Day weekend. Can you believe Mother’s Day week — by the way, Sarah and I were talking on Saturday and she didn’t believe me, or it was on Friday, and she didn’t believe me. And I said, ‘Mother’s Day, it’s a scam. It’s a big business scam.’ And I said, ‘I bet it was started by Woodrow Wilson. Look it up, Sarah.’ And she didn’t. I said, ‘Look it up.’ She’s like, ‘No, I’m not going to look it up.’ I said, ‘Look it up, I’ll bet you, I’ll bet you.’

“Mother’s Day? Started 1914. Woodrow Wilson. Hate that guy. Love my mom. Hate the holiday. Now, you could go to Hallmark because Hallmark and Woodrow Wilson would like you to do that. But there’s something new from Vermont Teddy Bear. Three handmade teddy bears in pink, green, and white. The bears are scented, each one with a different scent: strawberry, watermelon and cupcake. It’s like a bouquet of flowers, only it’s a bear bouquet for life. Call 1-800-829-BEAR or go to VermontTeddyBear.com, VermontTeddyBear.com. Something new for mom this year to let her that you love her and you’re thinking about her. The bear bouquet. From Vermont Teddy Bear. Delivery before Mother’s Day is guaranteed. Don’t forget guys, it’s Sunday. 1-800-829-BEAR or shop online at VermontTeddyBear.com.”

What an insane little man.

-Ian

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